To anyone who saw a 50% smartly dressed gentleman with a top hat and suit jacket, ripped jeans and a shoe falling apart and ginger hair walking around Dundee 20 miniutes ago either:

1. Playing Gustav Holst from his phone while conducting using a pair of pencils
2. Failtapdancing to ‘A Town Called Malice’ on the raised veiwing platform overlooking the Tay
3. Standing on the Tay road bridge, screaming into the night while crying
4. Having a philosophical conversation about the phallacy of the kindness of man with the statue of Desperate Dan or
5. Eating kebab by dangling it into his mouth 

…I apologise profusely for any offence caused.